Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
