i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
