she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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