When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
