just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just gift wrapped bread.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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