Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize