My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Drunk is a universal language darling
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
