just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
