Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
