Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
