I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
