It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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