I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
