Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
