I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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