he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
