just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
