Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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