you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
