Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
