I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
