I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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