my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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