we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
