I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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