Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
