That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
so much tequila, so little girl.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
