I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
