Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
