Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
