Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
