I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
