I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I cockslap morals
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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