for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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