thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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