She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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