My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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