Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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