Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Rumble strips road head = magical
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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