Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
