i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Randomize
