she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
That accounts for only three of the penises
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
