I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
