i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize