i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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