Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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