she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
