mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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