Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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