I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Randomize
