im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I need to align my fucking chakras
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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