what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
