Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
