I'm going to jail i love you
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
