I cannot find my penis.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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