Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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