i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
