pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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