how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
