First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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