between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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