She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
