whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
