I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
