There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
