I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize