Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
