It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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