Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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