I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
