You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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