There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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