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I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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