i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
