I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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