You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
