made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
it's like iHOP with fire
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
