Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize