my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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