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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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