the condom got lost in my hair
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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