ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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